Oppose

Intentionally Creating Unstable Family Structures

This legislation would allow any two unmarried adults to adopt a child.  The sponsor’s memo recognizes that it is “the state’s policy to ensure the best interests of a child.” Yet this bill is clearly not in the best interest of a child.

Multiple studies and child development experts report that the best environment for raising a child is a home with both a mother and a father in a committed marital relationship.  Married couples have made a commitment to each other, and are bound by both oath and a civic agreement to each other. This requirement increases the likelihood that a child would be raised in a stable, committed home environment.  Any two unmarried adults, whether opposite-sex or same-sex, lack the obvious incentive to remain together as does a married couple.

In all stable societies, the needs of a child must remain paramount over the whims of an adult.

Both father and mother are necessary in a child’s life.  By design, they are intended to be standard, not optional equipment. The cooperative input and influence of a male parent and a female parent is essential for proper child development. There are many simple and obvious reasons for this.

As fathering expert, Dr. Kyle Pruett, of Yale Medical School explains in Fatherneed: Why Father Care is as Essential as Mother Care for Your Child, “Fathers do not mother.”¹ Psychology Today explains, “Fatherhood turns out to be a complex and unique phenomenon with huge consequences for the emotional and intellectual growth of children.” A father, as a male parent, brings unique contributions to the parenting project.

Likewise, a mother’s female attributes uniquely impact the life and development of her child, as Dr. Brenda Hunter explains in her book, The Power of Mother Love: Transforming Both Mother and Child.² Erik Erikson, a pioneer in the world of child psychology, explained that father love and mother love are qualitatively different kinds of love. Fathers “love more dangerously” because their love is more “expectant, more instrumental”³ than a mother’s love.

The following are some of the most compelling ways mother and father involvement make a positive difference in a child’s life.

Fathers and Mothers Play Differently

Numerous studies indicate the importance of play in a child’s life. Fathers tend to play with, and mothers tend to care for, children.  Fathers play catch; they tickle more, and they throw their children in the air, while Moms sigh, “Not so high!” 

Mothers cuddle babies, and fathers bounce them.  Fathers roughhouse, while mothers are gentle.  Fathers encourage competition; mothers encourage equity.

One style encourages independence, while the other encourages security.  Fathers encourage their children to play to win and to take risks.  Mothers are more concerned about their child not getting hurt.  Fathers encourage their children to swing higher, climb higher, and throw the ball harder.  Mothers are more protective.  Together, fathers and mothers provide a balance.

Children who roughhouse with their fathers learn that biting, kicking and other forms of physical violence are not acceptable. They learn self-control by being told when enough is enough and when to settle down.  Girls and boys both learn a healthy balance between timidity and aggression.  Children need mom’s softness, as well as dad’s roughhousing.  Both provide security and confidence in their own ways by communicating love and physical intimacy.

Fathers and Mothers Punish Differently

Fathers stress justice, fairness and duty based on rules, while mothers stress sympathy, care and help, based on relationships.  Fathers tend to observe and enforce rules systematically and sternly, which teach children the objectivity and consequences of right and wrong.  Mothers tend toward grace and sympathy in the midst of disobedience, which provide a sense of hopefulness.  Again, either of these by themselves is not good, but together, they create a healthy, proper balance.

Fathers and Mothers Prepare Their Children Differently

Glen Stanton from Focus on the Family notes, “There is an absolute mountain of social science research showing that children who are raised with their married mother and father do far better in every measure of well-being, than children who grow up in any other family situation.”4 Why is this true?  It is true because a child needs both a Father and Mother in his/her life.  A boy needs a Dad to show him all the things that go into being a man, such as how to shave, tie a tie, work in the yard, be a gentleman, and how to treat a woman.

A girl needs a Mom to show her all the things that go into being a woman, such as dealing with her monthly menstrual cycle, how to sit properly, proper feminine responses, and how to care for a family.

Conclusion

It is unwise for the state to be intentionally creating family structures that deny children the most stable of family structures – a mother and a father in a committed marital relationship.  For these reasons, New Yorkers for Constitutional Freedoms opposes this legislation, and urges the State Legislature to do the same.

Endnotes:

1. Kyle D. Pruett, Father-need: Why Father Care is as Essential as Mother Care for Your Child, (New York: The Free Press, 2000), pp. 17-34.
2. Brenda Hunter, The Power of Mother Love: Transforming Both Mother and Child, (Colorado Springs: Waterbrook Press, 1997).
3. As cited in Kyle D. Pruett, The Nurturing Father, (New York: Warner Books, 1987), p. 49
4. Why Marriage Matters: Reason to Believe in Marriage in Postmodern Society: NavPress, Colorado Springs, 1997.